I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
