Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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