At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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