Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I did not marry a roomba.
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