i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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