dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
