the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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