Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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