How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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