I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
