Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I need to calm my uterus...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
