it hurts more in the daytime
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
