I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize