we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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