Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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