good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
