yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
