Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
