i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
