he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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