You're my little dorito
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
