She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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