and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
