I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
