Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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