He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
