I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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