Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
