I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
