my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
