Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
