Already got asked if we're dating
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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