just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
