my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
