This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
