its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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