you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
