oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
My feet surprised me
Randomize