life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
