to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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