Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
