Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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