I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize