I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
