Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
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