I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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