Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I want to make a zoo with you.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
