shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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