The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
