Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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