Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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