my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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