its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We don't watch enough power rangers
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
