i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
