I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Gay?
German.
Pity.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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