People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
You left your phone here
Wait...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
