You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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