just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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