The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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