Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
