You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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