I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
