he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
