OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
