I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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