I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize