I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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