I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
