I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
