What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
