she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
