she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
